To the
untrained eye, the last time we left Westeros resembled the first time we left.
The most
terrifying blond child since “The Village of the Damned” was seated comfortably
atop the Iron Throne, a nurturing Khaleesi holding tight to her infant dragons was
trying to find a way home and Arya Stark was playing the nomad while big sis
Sansa was a partial prisoner afraid to unlock her lips. And all the while, like
the close of season one, the scrappy Wolf from up north was locked into an
all-out battle with the wealthy Lion.
Assuming
little happened, or that season two was devoid of change, would be farther from
the truth than Jon Snow’s redheaded tauntress’(a taunting mistress, a word I
made up) home is from King’s Landing. Things, people and places change constantly
in Westeros, but often the change fails to bring with it any signs of
advancement. Daenerys Targaryen and the few remaining Dothrakis at her side
escaped the swelter of the Red Waste, but not danger. The comfortable confines
of Qarth — the city with no king, the greatest city ever known to man —
was just another hotbed of betrayal and deceit. Prospects of generosity without
ulterior motives there were as empty as the wannabe king’s vault (sans said
king).
Because
there are no safe havens in Westeros, everyone is wrapped up in the show’s
titular contest. Novice decapitator Theon Greyjoy took the game north last
season, capturing Winterfell only to unconsciously surrender it like a little
Sea Bitch when he was faced with a war horn and a handful of soldiers. This
occurred, of course, after he extended the competition to the Iron Isles where
we learned of his daddy issues, which remain unresolved and led to the betrayal
of his friendly captors.
As Dani
went west and Theon went north by way of the sea, the one true king Joffrey
(you gagged reading that, didn’t you?) held off a challenge by his “uncle”
Stannis, due in large part to assists from his uncle Tyrion and pop-pop Tywin.
At the season’s conclusion, Joff lost his hound but gained a lion. However, it
is yet to be seen whether the well-esteemed and financially solvent Tywin
Lannister can fill the humungous shoes of his diminutive son Tyrion. Amid all
of the bloodshed and violence, the half-man with limited combat skills towers
above the rest of the realm when it comes to self-awareness. He knows a sharp
tongue and sharper mind carries weight like a slow-witted giant carries a
crippled little lord. Tyrion has one cohort, his P-I-C, the happy-go-lucky gun
for hire Bronn. Both remain in King’s Landing, and learning what their place
will be in round three has me as giddy as our incestuous king when a whore
beats one of her peers bloody.
The way
the writers and show runners handled the Joffrey-Tyrion dynamic is an
underrated storyline of season two — not so much how the relatives treated each
other, but how their relationship affected we the viewers. As much as we hoped
control of the realm would slip from Joffrey’s adolescent palms, we had no
shame praying to the old gods and new gods (but not the Lord of Light!) that
Tyrion would somehow find a way out of yet another tight spot and keep Stannis
from getting what was rightfully his. It’s amazing if you think about it.
Essentially, and follow me here, we were rooting for the Hand of the King,
fighting in the name of a fraudulent king (whom we HATE), to defeat the man who
should actually be the king.
It
didn’t help Stannis’ cause that out of the remaining Baratheon siblings, the
more progressive and likable of the two, Renly, was murdered by a smoke toddler
conceived by big brother and a fire-worshipping priestess. Baby smoky seems to
have dissipated like smoke rolling out of a chimney into the atmosphere after
taking out a major player, but when the ashes settled, a new partnership was
formed. Hatred for Stannis led Renly’s lover Loras Tyrell to join the
Lannisters he once sought to destroy, his sister replacing Sansa Stark as the
queen-in-waiting.
But
alas, while Sansa has been brushed aside like so many dismissed contestants on
The Bachelor, love is not dead in Westeros! Robb Stark, the promise made by his
mother be damned, has fallen for the neutral, compassionate nurse Talisa.
Bucking mama Stark should be easy for Robb. She freed his all-star prisoner,
the King Slayer Jamie Lannister, sending him home to join the rest of his
family, including his sister/friend with benefits, Cersei. We shall see if Lady
Brienne’s escort services are enough to get him back to the family reunion
waiting for him in King’s Landing.
As we
wrap our heads around the Lannister-Baratheon-Stark angle, we mustn’t neglect
Robb’s half-brother’s exploits north of the wall. Jon Snow and fans of the show
alike are about to meet a new king. What the ruler’s intentions are — whether
he is content to rule over the wildlings or looking to expand his reach south
of the wall — is just one more storyline we will watch unfold.
And we
haven’t even touched on the militia of white walkers we saw marching on the
wall as we put the bow on season two. Will the wall continue to hold and make
winter in Westeros tolerable, or will the cold season bring more than fluffy
snow and subzero temperatures?
Season
three will likely answer several of our questions and fulfill many of our
wishes, but don’t expect it to affirm your assumptions. This show has made it
clear that proving us right is not in its best interests. The audience is the
bastard Jon Snow — watching the Starks scoop up the powerful purebreds while
we’re stuck with the runt of the Dire Wolf litter. We waited with bated breath
for the miraculous rescue of Eddard Stark from the literal chopping block in
season one, only to later see his head fixed to the top of a pike. Once we
started to appreciate Renly Baratheon’s sarcasm and sense of humor, he was run
through with a translucent dagger. Even everybody’s favorite mischievous imp
had his heroics repaid with a slanted gash from temple to jawbone.
Maybe
I'm overstating our role in the Game of Thrones. Perhaps we're the castle
floor, looking up at the ass of Tywin's horse as its droppings splatter on our
foreheads.
Viewers
best not get comfortable when watching the throne(s). Like all of the series’
characters thirsting for power, the more one thinks they are familiar with the
road they’re traveling on, the more likely Petyr Baelish’s knife is to be pressed
to their figurative throats.
Instead,
blow your perceptions and predictions up like a wooden ship struck with
explosive pig dung. Once your think you know the direction season three is
headed, David Benioff and D.B. Weiss will pull a Jaqen H’ghar and make you
question all that you know about the show. Only a few things remain constant:
there will be leveraging, betrayal, boobs, blood, deceit, death and dragons.
Don’t be
fooled by your calendars. Spring is almost here, but as always, winter is coming.
