#WorstFriends 36

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The guys begin by giving out slap and tickles to Adam Devine, Snooki and the inventor of the bedet; a Steve Young Stare to Skac, and Colin is callin' it on Landry Jones and the Cowboys. At 19:50, they get into St. Patty's memories, including Colin playing a rooftop sniper and Tim and taking a test buzzed off of green beer. Then at 52:50, listen to Tim's comedic rap debut, "Farmer's Tan."

#WorstFriends 35

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Colin proposes a new segment, possibly a new TV show, and then the guys talk about one of the funniest people ever, Jim Carrey.

Game of Thrones "Precap"

Author's note: Precap is a word invented by me. This recap will review season two while previewing season three. Also, I have not read the Game of Thrones books.

To the untrained eye, the last time we left Westeros resembled the first time we left.

The most terrifying blond child since “The Village of the Damned” was seated comfortably atop the Iron Throne, a nurturing Khaleesi holding tight to her infant dragons was trying to find a way home and Arya Stark was playing the nomad while big sis Sansa was a partial prisoner afraid to unlock her lips. And all the while, like the close of season one, the scrappy Wolf from up north was locked into an all-out battle with the wealthy Lion.

Assuming little happened, or that season two was devoid of change, would be farther from the truth than Jon Snow’s redheaded tauntress’(a taunting mistress, a word I made up) home is from King’s Landing. Things, people and places change constantly in Westeros, but often the change fails to bring with it any signs of advancement. Daenerys Targaryen and the few remaining Dothrakis at her side escaped the swelter of the Red Waste, but not danger. The comfortable confines of Qarth — the city with no king, the greatest city ever known to man — was just another hotbed of betrayal and deceit. Prospects of generosity without ulterior motives there were as empty as the wannabe king’s vault (sans said king).

Because there are no safe havens in Westeros, everyone is wrapped up in the show’s titular contest. Novice decapitator Theon Greyjoy took the game north last season, capturing Winterfell only to unconsciously surrender it like a little Sea Bitch when he was faced with a war horn and a handful of soldiers. This occurred, of course, after he extended the competition to the Iron Isles where we learned of his daddy issues, which remain unresolved and led to the betrayal of his friendly captors.

As Dani went west and Theon went north by way of the sea, the one true king Joffrey (you gagged reading that, didn’t you?) held off a challenge by his “uncle” Stannis, due in large part to assists from his uncle Tyrion and pop-pop Tywin. At the season’s conclusion, Joff lost his hound but gained a lion. However, it is yet to be seen whether the well-esteemed and financially solvent Tywin Lannister can fill the humungous shoes of his diminutive son Tyrion. Amid all of the bloodshed and violence, the half-man with limited combat skills towers above the rest of the realm when it comes to self-awareness. He knows a sharp tongue and sharper mind carries weight like a slow-witted giant carries a crippled little lord. Tyrion has one cohort, his P-I-C, the happy-go-lucky gun for hire Bronn. Both remain in King’s Landing, and learning what their place will be in round three has me as giddy as our incestuous king when a whore beats one of her peers bloody.

The way the writers and show runners handled the Joffrey-Tyrion dynamic is an underrated storyline of season two — not so much how the relatives treated each other, but how their relationship affected we the viewers. As much as we hoped control of the realm would slip from Joffrey’s adolescent palms, we had no shame praying to the old gods and new gods (but not the Lord of Light!) that Tyrion would somehow find a way out of yet another tight spot and keep Stannis from getting what was rightfully his. It’s amazing if you think about it. Essentially, and follow me here, we were rooting for the Hand of the King, fighting in the name of a fraudulent king (whom we HATE), to defeat the man who should actually be the king.

It didn’t help Stannis’ cause that out of the remaining Baratheon siblings, the more progressive and likable of the two, Renly, was murdered by a smoke toddler conceived by big brother and a fire-worshipping priestess. Baby smoky seems to have dissipated like smoke rolling out of a chimney into the atmosphere after taking out a major player, but when the ashes settled, a new partnership was formed. Hatred for Stannis led Renly’s lover Loras Tyrell to join the Lannisters he once sought to destroy, his sister replacing Sansa Stark as the queen-in-waiting.

But alas, while Sansa has been brushed aside like so many dismissed contestants on The Bachelor, love is not dead in Westeros! Robb Stark, the promise made by his mother be damned, has fallen for the neutral, compassionate nurse Talisa. Bucking mama Stark should be easy for Robb. She freed his all-star prisoner, the King Slayer Jamie Lannister, sending him home to join the rest of his family, including his sister/friend with benefits, Cersei. We shall see if Lady Brienne’s escort services are enough to get him back to the family reunion waiting for him in King’s Landing.

As we wrap our heads around the Lannister-Baratheon-Stark angle, we mustn’t neglect Robb’s half-brother’s exploits north of the wall. Jon Snow and fans of the show alike are about to meet a new king. What the ruler’s intentions are — whether he is content to rule over the wildlings or looking to expand his reach south of the wall — is just one more storyline we will watch unfold.

And we haven’t even touched on the militia of white walkers we saw marching on the wall as we put the bow on season two. Will the wall continue to hold and make winter in Westeros tolerable, or will the cold season bring more than fluffy snow and subzero temperatures?

Season three will likely answer several of our questions and fulfill many of our wishes, but don’t expect it to affirm your assumptions. This show has made it clear that proving us right is not in its best interests. The audience is the bastard Jon Snow — watching the Starks scoop up the powerful purebreds while we’re stuck with the runt of the Dire Wolf litter. We waited with bated breath for the miraculous rescue of Eddard Stark from the literal chopping block in season one, only to later see his head fixed to the top of a pike. Once we started to appreciate Renly Baratheon’s sarcasm and sense of humor, he was run through with a translucent dagger. Even everybody’s favorite mischievous imp had his heroics repaid with a slanted gash from temple to jawbone.

Maybe I'm overstating our role in the Game of Thrones. Perhaps we're the castle floor, looking up at the ass of Tywin's horse as its droppings splatter on our foreheads.

Viewers best not get comfortable when watching the throne(s). Like all of the series’ characters thirsting for power, the more one thinks they are familiar with the road they’re traveling on, the more likely Petyr Baelish’s knife is to be pressed to their figurative throats.

Instead, blow your perceptions and predictions up like a wooden ship struck with explosive pig dung. Once your think you know the direction season three is headed, David Benioff and D.B. Weiss will pull a Jaqen H’ghar and make you question all that you know about the show. Only a few things remain constant: there will be leveraging, betrayal, boobs, blood, deceit, death and dragons.

Don’t be fooled by your calendars. Spring is almost here, but as always, winter is coming.