Colin’s third message:
No, people will think you are misspelling Yoda, which is cool
with me because I love Yoda. Sometimes I wish that is how I lived, just
chillin' in a hut, making some kickass stew, and moving things with my mind.
I've only shot a bow and arrow once, when I was a bit
younger, I aimed straight up in the air, let loose, and ran my ass back inside
the house. My parents took the bow and arrow away, so I never got to
target practice.
I will admit that the podcast in its current state is a lot
more enjoyable than I thought it would be. We are still trying to
establish how entertaining it is for our listeners, and to go beyond that, how
many actual listeners we have. We are extremely grateful for everyone
that listens, but you're right that eventually our goal would be to be much
more visible, so that random strangers feel the need to give us a listen.
I'm fine with investing a bit more money, but I still feel, to quote
Zuckerberg, "We still don't know what it is yet." I still think
we need to establish a clear mission, vision and goals. If a sponsor were
to magically call us and say they have heard of us, but wanted to know what we
were about, what would be our 30 second sales pitch? What is our grab-
you- buy -the -gonads 2-3 sentences that not only explains who we are, but what
we talk about, and what we envision our product to be in 5 years? 10
years? "Rich as hell off the best podcast in the world" is
nice, but I can't see Anti-Chafe forking over serious cash based on that
premise.
Before we move too quickly and start investing (or losing)
our hard earned cash, we need to think these things through. We've moved
hastily before and its left us with 100 robot "Likes" on Facebook and
our poor friend Rod Knee waiting for his blood-signed #WorstFriends
t-shirt. What we want isn't going to happen instantly.
That point, along with your film critic thoughts, and
something you mentioned earlier about our ADD-spur-of-the-moment culture, is
fascinating to me. Nowadays it seems everyone, especially in our
generation, is a novice at everything, but an expert of nothing. There
are very few in our generation that would call themselves "buffs",
and not in the Ron Ron Juice way, but being an expert on one or multiple
things. Like my dad is a history buff, he can recite and remember some of
the most obscure moments in not just American history, but Irish as well.
My friend Mikey is as close to a buff as I've seen among people my age, in that
his knowledge of American history is fairly expansive, but thats only because
he went to school for it. He asks me if I'm excited for "Hatfields
and McCoys" the first thing I do is Google them so that I know what I'm talking
about. That is all our generation does when there is a lack of knowledge,
we Google it. I guess you could call yourself a political buff, but yet
you never really pushed for that to be a focal point of our podcast, why is
that?
Back in the old days (15 years ago?) you had to research, and
ask questions, and spend a long time, sometimes years, in order to gather an
expansive amount of insight on something that interests you. That is how
you become a tv or movie critic, you are someone who has spent an inordinate amount
of personal time learning all there is to know about something. Sure
penis professor sounds a bit wacky, but he's probably spent about as much time
considering that theory as you and I have on Facebook.
I would have liked a podcast focused on something specific
that I have a great deal of knowledge on, but like I said, my educational
background and yours would most likely be quite boring to our regular
friends. So instead we Google and Wikipedia and read blogs and episode
recaps and gorge ourselves on as much info as we can stomach as soon as
possible, then we regurgitate it with some sprinkling of personal opinion and
smart ass comments, and hope people like it. I said at the beginning we
need to find our own voice, and I think we've made progress, but it still feels
like something unique and truly entertaining to any random listener is still a
ways away.
This response got a lot more serious near the end, but I
guess I don't necessarily have numerical goals about Likes or Followers or
downloads. My goal would just be that in a year we are still doing this,
its still fun, and we started to develop a loyal following of listeners that
weren't just bullied into listening. Also, thanks for ruining Clue for
me.
I really don't have any questions after all of this, just
looking for a deep introspective consideration of what I just wrote, and
whereabouts I might find this petition for the "Free the Khaleesi's Twin
Dragons" movement.
Final message:
I’m worried about your heavy usage of the word “random” in
your last message. (You used it twice). Does anyone really randomly listen to
podcasts? Let me list some of the ones I listen to (and yes, there are quite a
few): WTF with Marc Maron, the Joe Rogan Experience, Hollywood Prospectus on
the Grantland Network, Nerdist with Chris Hardwick, Dorktown and Brothers From
Different Mothers. Only the latter two could be labeled as “random,” but even
that would be a stretch. They followed us on Twitter. I followed them back,
listened to their pods and enjoyed their shows, so I listened to more of them.
I think they gave us a listen or two as well, and I’m sure one day we’ll all
gather ’round the campfire, roast s’mores and wieners, and maybe even play
truth or dare together. It’d be weird, because we’re all dudes for the most
part. But hey, shit gets MAD REAL on camping trips. (There was a girl on the
last Dorktown I listened to. She’s not invited on the camping trip.)
The rest, however, are very far from random. I’m a fan of Joe
Rogan’s standup and UFC commentary, and plus he always has compelling guests
on, usually comedians. Maron, whose WTF podcast is pretty much the gold
standard right now, is another seasoned comic with a ton of connections in the
game (whether TV, standup or music). I also line up with him on a lot of things
politically and socially, so that helps. As for Hollywood Prospectus, I can’t
really talk about “Game of Thrones” or “Mad Men” with any of my friends around
here, as none of them watch those shows. Instead, I kind of place myself in
HP’s discussion (like our friend/fan Skac does with our podcast) and formulate
my own reactions and thoughts pertaining to what they’re talking about. As for
the Nerdist, it’s mostly about the guests. He’s interviewed NPH, the writers,
actors and directors of “Airplane,” and Tenacious D — all very entertaining
people.
And this is what makes it tough to figure out what happens
next with this little baby we call #WorstFriends. We don’t have Rogan’s star
power, or Hollywood Prospectus’ sugar daddy (Bill Simmons and his faceless
pimp, ESPN). What do we do with our baby? I refuse to pull a Peggy Olson and
rebuke it moments after birth. We may not know what it is, who’s listening and
why, but we do know we both enjoy doing it. I’ve heard Steven Tyler talk about
Aerosmith playing to near-empty bars and people hating their music. Jay Leno
wrote in his book about doing standup shows to two people and in college study
rooms while being told to keep it quiet. And we’re better looking and funnier
than both of those guys combined. If a crackhead woman like Steven Tyler and a
squeaky-voiced chin with legs like Jay can do it, by God so can we.
Alright, now that I Tyrion’ed you with that last sentence,
and you’re ready to go to war on the banks of the Black Water, let me try to
address something you actually asked or wrote other than the word “random.” I
have no doubts about our lack of knowledge on most of the topics we discuss.
But the topics are things that we enjoy, or things that make us say “huh?” or
things that piss us off. If we didn’t like “Entourage,” we wouldn’t have talked
about it for almost two hours. If it didn’t piss you off that the King Nerd at
the comic shop Gandalf’ed wi-fi access for you, you wouldn’t have talked about
it.
You don’t need to be a buff to be interesting and
entertaining. If you’re excited about what you’re doing, people will get
excited to. It’s that whole thing of projecting your personality. And don’t
stick up for Professor Dick Boy. He was a hack.
Do we lack direction? Yeah. Sure. Hell I’m the poster boy for
the ADD-prisoner-of-the-moment culture I mentioned in my first message. I make
Internet comedy videos, podcast, write satire news stories, am working on a
book, have toed the water in standup, moved to L.A. last year, moved back home
and am moving again; AND I have a full-time job.
On top of all that, I got this new motto “YODO” I’m really
trying to shove down everyone’s throats, which may trump everything I mentioned
above.
I almost forgot to mention the petition drive to free the
Khaleesi’s twin dragons, which comes around to your question about politics.
The petition is currently the extent of my political activism, not counting
pointing out the similarities between King Joffrey and Mitt Romney. It really
isn’t that fun of a topic for me anymore. I enjoy political humor, but
unfortunately people in this country still carry on this charade that they are
offended by mean (usually true) things about ideology and politicians. I just
don’t have the time to argue with dipshits anymore.
I’ve written almost as much in these emails as I have in my
future New York Times Bestseller “Cannidit,” and have nothing left to give.
Next time we’re together, we’re going to work on my next video — me going
door-to-door requesting signatures to free the Khaleesi’s twin dragons.
Let me know if a sponsor magically calls you.
I’ll tell you if I stumble across any phallic symbols lying around.
