Take another shower. If you’re like me you’re probably still
trying to scrub all of the fake blood off of your face. I know after that
wedding reception my face looked like Jorah Mormont’s after he, Grey Worm and
Daario successfully sacked Yunkai despite being vastly outnumbered.
If you thought the union of Sansa and Tyrion was joyless,
you’ve never been to a Walder Frey-hosted soiree at the Twins. Don’t be fooled
by all the glib old-man pervishness and chuckle-inducing glances about a hidden
beauty kept secret until the actual wedding ceremony. Lannister gold and a
treacherous Lord Bolton can suck the fun out of any wedding, and the blood
started flowing as soon as the bedding ceremony began. Game of Thrones really
knows how to smack its viewers right in the face, and a full-on slaughter of
the Stark clan, including the King of the North and his unborn child (I think
one poke would suffice Mr. Stabby), showed that any money they saved by
sparingly using CGI for the dragons went toward a hefty purchase of fake blood.
I was so glad Arya, temporarily freed from the fire-fearing Hound was
recaptured by her former chauffeur/captor, sparing her an eyewitness account of
the blood bath. Of course by now, the young girl is hard as a rock, even
telling the Hound one day she will stab him in the eyeball. Gruesome words, but
pretty mellow compared to the rest of the action in the episode.
Walder Frey seemed like such an easygoing, funny guy, too.
This show can really flip a switch, going from humor to horror faster than Bran
uses his warg powers to put Hodor to sleep. Just think, now, despite being
crippled, be can still please a woman, getting inside her head to deliver a “wargasm”
like no other.
This storyline paid off in a big way last night, and I was
so thankful. I’d been cursing this arc for most of the season, thinking there
was no way they could make this interesting. But once I saw the old man ride by
on his last horse — tipped off about the wilding horse thieves by Jon Snow, the
crossing of paths intensified the warg story. Instead of doing his duty and
killing the old timer, Jon turns his sword on the wildings, joined by Ygritte.
Sensing danger after Hodor’s frightened Hodoring, Jojen convinces Bran to get
inside the mind of the dire wolf, who gives the up north lovers the upper hand.
Jon escapes, telling his former taunter he was right, he was a spy for the
crows the entire time.
After they’re in the clear, Bran tells Rickon they’re
parting ways. All that fighting, growling, and goodbyes — Hodor slept through
it all.
Violence was the real star this week, and that rang true in
Yunkai, the latest checkmark on Daenarys Targaryen’s “conquered” list. Grey
Worm, Jorah and Daario take care of business there, and return to tell the
queen the good news. The action sequences were a lot of fun to watch, and these
three might have fought their way into the next Expendables movie. Can’t you
just see Grey Worm twirling his spear around his head, killing slave after
slave, as Sly Stallone pummels a nameless thug beside him? “Hey uhhh Daario, I’muuuhh
gonna call you daddy-o. KHALEESIIIIIII!”
This penultimate episode was not for the faint of heart.
There was a lot of bloodshed, right up until the very end, where the show
runners show Catelyn slit a throat, followed by a dramatic pause before her own
neck is cut. It was almost comical, yet so gut-wrenching. While last season the
finale was more of a bow and bandages applied after the battle of Blackwater Bay,
this season’s finale is shaping up to give us a chance at recovering, while
continuing to heighten the stakes. How will Jon be received when he makes it
back to Castle Black (assuming that’s where he’s going)? He has no knowledge of
the Night’s Watch revolt. What will the fallout of the Stark slaughter be in
King’s Landing? No doubt Tywin’s plan was executed flawlessly, as even Robb’s
dire wolf was stuck with half a quiver of arrows. We didn’t get to follow Jaime
or Stannis in “Castamere,” and I anticipate seeing how their stories conclude
this season.
Now if you excuse me, I still have some blood under my
fingernails. Ugh.
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